BLOG
Friday, August 29, 2008, 9:04 pm
lol today was a relatively shit day... the whole jnr high concert was screwed. with people ap-ing each other and getting ap-ed. forget it. thinking about it only makes things worse...
luckily, i decided to go back to shps. it totally saved my day. hahas. did many kuku but fun things. and surprisingly, sam was exceptionally high today. lol also dunno y. but the whole day ended with a blast. even though there may be some ocassional cold silence here and there, but we still managed to fill up the gaps and really laughed a lot. =) thank you all 6/8 2005!
lol going to go to rsaf airshow tmr. hope that everything will go on smoothly. comex will be on sun. and there goes my whole hols cos the rest will probably be used up for njrc... well, wish me luck!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008, 7:45 pm
disclaimer: this post is going to be relatively emo... if u are happy. u are advised not to read it.
A star seems so far away...
many things have happened today. things that seem to have turned my life up and down. im suddenly lost. everything that i was once confident about have all disappeared. on the bus ride home, thought alot. feeling better now. in a way. not very sad now but just doesnt seem to be able to laugh out loud... i used to say as long as u work hard, anything is possible. how funny... all these have turned into blank words. words that are never real. what if ur niche is just not ur interest? what if ur niche is just exactly opposite of ur interest? should i follow my niche. or my interest. what is my interest? i dun wan to regret things that i do again. i need it. be it for the exposure or for the prestige. even more. i nd it to ironically fulfill my interest... but i dun want to end up getting rejected. getting hurt again... im tired of always being second. some may say. being second is still better than nothing. but by the time comes, and u are always stuck at second. u will rather be nothing. at least there is no disappointment. im tired of expectations. expectations that i give myself. expectations that others give me. even casual remarks that i fail to reach. it just hurts even more... im tired of achieving. tired of putting in but not achieving. tired of doing my best but nvr recognised. what if my interest is just not my niche. no matter what i do. im feeling very lost now... no longer know what i should do. my aim in life has suddenly disappeared. or not. my aim in life has suddenly doubled. its supposed to be a good thing. but what if the double just clashes with the first and u have to choose one. what would u choose. what should i choose. i want answers but i dun wan big words. words that are just there and sounds nice. seems logical and meaningful and in actual fact are just empty. i feel the stress. but i have no idea who or where it is coming from. maybe its myself. maybe its just my inner psyche. my dreams and aspirations just suddenly seem so far away... seems like im never able to reach them. just seemed that im not meant for it...i guess im just not fated to reach it...
once again, 我觉得自己好无能。好没用。我恨我自己。只会批评别人却未看过自己。以为自己很好。其实全都是虚伪的。。。我好假哦。我真的不知该做什么。该说什么。才能让你们感觉好一点。不要再推开我。好吗。
Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 6:53 pm
lol ytd was a tiring day. mostly due to njrc and stuffs... luckily, today was much better.
hist was probably the only horrible lesson today... ok. it was like the norm. mr chiang just came in and gave us practice all over again. i guess this drill will be helpful but its kinda torturous now... lol made me realised once again how little knowledge i have of the whole topic and stuff. just like how i didnt know who was chamberlain...
bio was not too bad lol me,jane,sm and wenjin were talking about trips and singing. hahas. went back with sm and went to her house to edit the la film. finally finished!!! yay. one load is finally down!!!
hahas joke of the day, said on the train:
shimin: deep inside me, 我是一个不爱讲话的人. (lol from the book tat gup gave her)
how true... lets be our own judge =) ty huihan again for the drawing. its really nice =) shall take a pic and post it soon. hahas. well for now, tats all. bb!
Sunday, August 17, 2008, 10:08 pm
lol dunno y but just feel like blogging now. ok.. its not a very ideal time but who cares. lol. anyways. hahas lala won xing guang =) i like her songs.
went to hortpark today morning to walk. hahas. a bit random but my parents wanted to go so i followed. walked around 4.5-5 km today =) tat place is quite cool although i still prefered the macritchie hike item had last year. lol. item people. any takers to go on this hortpark hike this year? hahas my parents are thinking of going again next sunday to walk the other area. =D sadly, didnt bring my phone along so didnt take pics =( nvm theres still next week!
just chionged finish la film at shimin's house just now... ok it wasnt too bad. ended earlier then we expected. the whole film is around 12 min and we were really grateful to mr harris for allowing us the extra 2 min =) hahas. thanks!
the film is not too bad i guess. for once. i can use my songs freely without caring about copyright issues. haiz. very tired now... attempted to do chem but failed horribly. i guess im just gonna have to do it tmr in school. anyway, needa go down to ssc tmr =( until 6pm... there goes my day. haiz. well nvm i guess. hope we can get something in njrc this year...
i think im gonna sleep le. afterall, my eyes are gonna close any moment now. hahas cya next time. tata.
we are in need of someone to save the withering batch... too tired to even think about it... having thoughts of just saying goodbye...
Monday, August 11, 2008, 9:08 am
lol its weird waking up early in the holidays... but wells. after a good sleep. everything's better. i hope. haiz. this is the worst holidays ever. too many things. too little time. ytd was really A day. too many things happened in one day. things tat i never imagined. things tat i found i could not cope. even till now... ok im emo-ing again. but just let me be this once. or else. i think i will nvr say all these out again...
我觉得自己好无能。好没用。我恨我自己。只会批评别人却未看过自己。以为自己很好。其实全都是虚伪的。。。我好假哦。我真的不知该做什么。该说什么。才能让你们感觉好一点。不要再推开我。好吗。我真得很累了。just realised from ytd. that 事事都是命中注定。haiz. wells. on a lighter note, i finally got 蕭敬騰 cd+dvd. lol. ok nvm. today. i will be out the whole day again. and im so dead. tats cause i havent done ANY of my homework and blah. AND i have been out almost everyday of the hols NOT cause of FUN but cause of WORK. aiya watever lah. do i hav a choice. sometimes i dun even noe why im doing this... many things to vent. but i guess not saying it here would be better. for me. and for everyone...
jiayou! to everyone who needs it!!!
Monday, August 04, 2008, 10:54 pm
lol its been a while since i blogged. anyways, im waiting for 'hot shot' to load so i just decided to blog. lol happy tat the show is finally on in taiwan. at the same time, a little sad that jing lun got 6th in xing guang. actually thought tat he could get into top 5 but wells. nvm he did his best and really did sg proud =)
oh man. im so not used to my desktop's keyboard. keep having loads of typos. very irritating. these few days very hiong for me. chionging lotsa stuffs. just like on sat. i actually stayed up overnight at sm's house just to do la film editng and reviews, just to see many shots tat actually nd to be retaken...haiz. perhaps st is right, my expectations are just too high. even i myself cant reach. sad...
feeling very tired and sianz in school these days. dun really have much to enlighten my spirits. ok njrc this year is not too bad, i actually feel like we have a chance to win something. hahas really thanks to faris and desmond.they are really great people. learnt a lot from them.
perhaps it is cos everything is going ok.. there isnt really much anticipation nor excitement going on =(
well. some kuku things that actually happen today. lol my bro actually mixed up my house number with my dad's hp number. hahas and he didnt even realise that.
uploading eds video these days. ok some shots are really crap but wells i was sort of like going through the concert again (my 4th time le...saw the concert 3 times on the day itself: rehearsal, afternoon and night). ok no more surprises but i must say i didnt really get bored of it. one thing very good i guess. tats cos i prob have to go through it another hmm... lets say 3-5 times? just editing it? hahas. well. wish me luck. tata. gotta slp soon le =)
tests this week:
chines and la on the same day =(